Successful Woman

I’ve heard from most ladies, some

of them are my friends and they have told

me that one thing they know for sure is that “men are threatened by the

success of women in general.” Or “Men are threatened by a woman that is

independent. And even, “Men can’t handle a strong, smart, successful woman”

I think trying to understand men is a waste of time

if you don’t understand yourself, who you are and

what you want first. However, once you’re clear on

that, it can be one of the best things you can do for

yourself. Especially if you’re a successful woman.

In my years of being exposed to the society, I

noticed the more educated, powerful and

influential a woman becomes, not to mention her

bigger bank accounts, the more struggles she has

with men and ‘roles’ in relationships. Her love life

challenges seem to be compounded by her growing

bank account. No pun intended but it’s true. Trust

me. Especially if she’s working in a ‘man’s world.’

This can cause deep-seated beliefs to take hold that

wreak havoc in her relationships and love life.

It’s time to throw out the judgments we have about

men in regards to our intelligence, success and

wealth. It’s time to face the raw truth. It’s time to

get some knowledge. So the big question is “Are

men really turned off by our intelligence and

success? Yes, a few are and they’re not the one’s

you want anyway. These kind of men are insecure,

so it really has nothing to do with you.

But what about the rest? What really turns them

off? Women did things that emanated masculine

energy. I will give you some common examples.

*Being competitive: Trying to prove you’re better

or can beat him.

*One-uppmanship: This should be an Olympic

sport. An ex of mine used to say it’s “a dick-

measuring contest.” Excuse my language please.

*Knowing it all: Not giving him credit. Oh, I was so

guilty of this one. I used to. Sometimes you just

acknowledge what he says. You don’t have to show

you know everything. Basically, you’re emanating

masculine energy. Men love competing with other

men. Not you.

Some things we do at times like holding back, gets

to men in general. I know, opening up and sharing

yourself can feel like stripping naked in public. Not

being vulnerable. I get it, it’s natural to want to

protect yourself and your heart. But so many

women are doing it too well and they only end up

protecting themselves from experiencing love.

Trying to take his role, insisting on paying after

he’s offered, not accepting compliments, trying to

take the reigns and be controlling etc. Quite frankly

this would annoy the hell out of me! That said, you

can allow your intelligence to shine naturally.

There are ways to emanate the powerful,

feminine energy men crave. Before I moved from

where I was living before, I was appalled at what

men told me on dates. Some didn’t even know how

to ‘be a gentleman.’ A few dates ended up being

sessions where I coached the men on what not to

share. They were so damaged by over-powerful

women. They said I was a breath of fresh air.

You need to…

*Give him space to share.

*Ask lots of questions/be interested. It’s not all

about you and your accomplishments.

*Teach him something new. Intelligence is a real

turn on. Share something new in a non-threatening

way.

*Give him advice (when he asks for it).

*Relax into who you truly are. After a day of

working my ass off, i’m more than happy to give

the reins to my man. Its that simple.

*Be candid about embarrassing moments.

*Let go of insecure feelings. Men are feeling

insecure too. I was on a date with a man who runs

a big ass company. During dinner, to my surprise,

he said, “Kemi, I’m really nervous…” Awwwww, I

thought.

*Cry, laugh or show emotions.

*Inspire him to feel like a man. Accept his

compliments, no-strings-attached offers and his

attention.

When you do this, he’ll be more comfortable with

you.

The reason I share these insights into the minds of

powerful men is to show you that all men, no

matter how accomplished and successful are just

human beings. Just like you. So give them a break.

Ladies, smart successful men are not the enemy.

They crave your beauty, brains, femininity and

support. But you’ve got to inspire them and give

them a chance to show up. Don’t block them before

they even get started.

On this note, I’ll leave you with this quote from

Katherine graham, “The thing women must do to

rise to power is to redefine their femininity. Once,

power was considered a masculine attribute. In

fact, power has no sex.”

To our hapiness. Cheers.